I don't believe this of myself yet

But this is what I need to tell myself everyday.

Until I will believe it

In The Eye of The Storm

In The Eye of The Storm

Right now I'm living in the eye of the storm.
I see my whole world crashing down right in front of eyes.
Everything is going wrong
I'm going through things that are braking my spirit.
I'm being tested, and I'm failing everything.
But the worst thing about this whole thing is that
I'm in this storm alone.
No one can help me with what I'm going through,
They are things that I have to beat on my own.
But I don't think I can do it by myself.
So I'm just waiting for God
to say " Peace Be Still."
Because I until he does I don't know what's going
to happen to me.

I'm want to be done with Him

This is going to be short, simple, and to the point. I'm done trying to pretend that everything thing is okay, just to protect his reputation. I REFUSE to let him ruin my life anymore. For so long I've at least TRIED to keep my mouth shut, I didn't always succeed. But today I could do it anymore. I exploded on him. He now knows exactly how I feel. I was always being force to keep my mouth shut. " Nicole just don't say anything", " You need to respect him Nicole", ummm no I really don't. I have no respect for people that are two face, fake, liars, and hypocrites. But most importantly I refuse to show respect to people that don't respect me. That is not going to fly with me.

When ever I feel alone, I remember these words. When I'm in
the eye of the storm. The lyrics of this song bring my out
of it.

Footprints In The Sand
by leona lewis

You walked with me
Footprints in the sand
And helped me understand
Where I’m going
You walked with me
When I was all alone
With so much I no along the way
Then I heard you say

I promise you
I’m always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair
I’ll carry you
When you need a friend
You’ll find my footprints in the sand

I see my life
Flash across the sky
So many times have I
Been so afraid ooh
And just when I
Have thought I’ve lost my way

You give me strength to carry on
That’s when I heard you say

I promise you
I’m always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair
I’ll carry you
When you need a friend
You’ll find my footprints in the sand

When I’m weary
Well I no you’ll be there
And I can feel you
When you say

I promise you
I’m always there
When your heart is full of sadness and despair
I’ll carry you
When you need a friend
You’ll find my footprints in the sand

Forgive and Forget

Forgive and Forget is a lesson I learned this week. For so long I was holding grudges against people because of my pride. Not saying that the people that I was mad at wasn't in the wrong too, but still I should've been the bigger person. But the point is that if you don't forgive you can't move on, and you can't grow as a person. At one point in my life I finally realized that if i continue to be proudful and let my ego get the better of me. I will never be happy, because how can you be happy if your always mad at people. I can never love someone if I am continuously mad at them, because there is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.I don't want to waist my time doing that anymore. Though I admit it is going to be hard. But I do can do anything I put my mind to.

I am going to try to live my life according to this quote " To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will recieve untold peace and happiness."

There's Something Missing

There's something missing and I don't know what it is. I hate this feeling because its like I'm running and I don't know where I'm going. If that makes sense. I don't know if it's someone or something. But I need to found out what it is because if I don't, I feel that I'm going to be lost forever.

Being Happy With Yourself

Most people arent happy with who they are. They're always thinking about what they can do to make themselves prettier, and always trying to get peoples approval. I'm one of those people. I can honestly say that I've never been happy with who I am, or what I look like. I feel like there is always something I find that is wrong with me. Now all my life I have been told that I am a beautiful and intelligent girl. I do think that I am intelligent and that I will do many things with my life. But it is so hard for me to believe that I am a beautiful girl. No matter who may tell me or how many times they may tell me I just can't believe them. So I've set a goal for myself. My goal is to have more self confidence. And this is why; No one can love someone, if they don't love themselves.

Here One Minute Gone The Next

December 29th 2005 My life was changed forever. Something was taken away from me that I can never get back. My brother; Ruben Jr. or better known as Rubencito. I remember it like it was yesterday. My mother came into my room with my older sister. Her eyes looked blood shot and swollen, so asked her "Mami what's wrong?" and she said I don't know how to tell you but Ruben is dead. At first I thought it was my father but then they explained to me that it was my brother and thats where I felt that my whole life crumbled down infront of me and there was nothing that I can do. I begged my mom to bring him back, and she told me that there was nothing that she can do. I fell to my knees and called out to God and asked him why he would take my brother away from me. Til' this day I never did get my answer. God's does everything with a purpose. So everytime that my brother passes through my mind I will always remind myself that with everything God does, there is always a purpose. My brother was here one minute and gone the next. Cherish every minute you have with the people that you love. And never take them for granted, because you never know when they'll be gone. May my brother Ruben Rest In Peace, and I hope and pray to be reunited with you one day.

The Meaning of Love

The meaning of Love to me is being there for that specific other. Treating them with respect, being honest. Love is knowing that, that person can hurt you but trusting them not to. And without trust there is no love. To me love isn't just a word its an ACTION. You can always tell a person that you love them but if you don't show them that you love them; it means nothing. Thats why when I tell someone I love them, I make sure that i mean it.

My family and friends are my life. Now I don't have many friends, and thats okay. But the friends that I do have, there friends that I'm going to have for a lifetime. I love them all so much, they all hold a piece to my heart. Love is something so serious, it is not something that I like to play around with. When I love, I love hard!

I'm finding myself

My life isn't easy. I've lost friendships, lost trust in people, and for a while I lost myself. With everything that I was going through I started to give up. But you know what? I'm not a quitter, and I refuse to give up on myself anymore. I'm finding myself. Today I noticed something, I am a strong person. A girl of integrity. I will not suffer for other people's wrong choices. I will not let people control me or my thoughts. I control who I am now, and who I will be in the future. Little by little things will get easier, and everything in time will fall into place. I will wait for that day.

Amor de Madre

El amor de madre es algo que nadie puede romper

Mi madre es un mujer fuerte

Es mi vida, mi mundo, mi todo

Ella sabe lo que yo voy a hacer ante que yo lo hago

Madres son milagros a todos de su hijos

Y es verdad mi mama es un milagro