So it's been a while since i posted something.
Here's a little update. I'm going to a new school and met new people.
I find myself happier, though yes life is still hard.
But I'm learning to cope with it.
But most importantly I'm finding myself even in
the mist of all the craziness and
hard troublesome times i go through.
I'm find my strength without relying on other people.
I know things are going to keep getting better.

I don't believe this of myself yet

But this is what I need to tell myself everyday.

Until I will believe it

In The Eye of The Storm

In The Eye of The Storm

Right now I'm living in the eye of the storm.
I see my whole world crashing down right in front of eyes.
Everything is going wrong
I'm going through things that are braking my spirit.
I'm being tested, and I'm failing everything.
But the worst thing about this whole thing is that
I'm in this storm alone.
No one can help me with what I'm going through,
They are things that I have to beat on my own.
But I don't think I can do it by myself.
So I'm just waiting for God
to say " Peace Be Still."
Because I until he does I don't know what's going
to happen to me.

I'm want to be done with Him

This is going to be short, simple, and to the point. I'm done trying to pretend that everything thing is okay, just to protect his reputation. I REFUSE to let him ruin my life anymore. For so long I've at least TRIED to keep my mouth shut, I didn't always succeed. But today I could do it anymore. I exploded on him. He now knows exactly how I feel. I was always being force to keep my mouth shut. " Nicole just don't say anything", " You need to respect him Nicole", ummm no I really don't. I have no respect for people that are two face, fake, liars, and hypocrites. But most importantly I refuse to show respect to people that don't respect me. That is not going to fly with me.

When ever I feel alone, I remember these words. When I'm in
the eye of the storm. The lyrics of this song bring my out
of it.

Footprints In The Sand
by leona lewis

You walked with me
Footprints in the sand
And helped me understand
Where I’m going
You walked with me
When I was all alone
With so much I no along the way
Then I heard you say

I promise you
I’m always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair
I’ll carry you
When you need a friend
You’ll find my footprints in the sand

I see my life
Flash across the sky
So many times have I
Been so afraid ooh
And just when I
Have thought I’ve lost my way

You give me strength to carry on
That’s when I heard you say

I promise you
I’m always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair
I’ll carry you
When you need a friend
You’ll find my footprints in the sand

When I’m weary
Well I no you’ll be there
And I can feel you
When you say

I promise you
I’m always there
When your heart is full of sadness and despair
I’ll carry you
When you need a friend
You’ll find my footprints in the sand

Forgive and Forget

Forgive and Forget is a lesson I learned this week. For so long I was holding grudges against people because of my pride. Not saying that the people that I was mad at wasn't in the wrong too, but still I should've been the bigger person. But the point is that if you don't forgive you can't move on, and you can't grow as a person. At one point in my life I finally realized that if i continue to be proudful and let my ego get the better of me. I will never be happy, because how can you be happy if your always mad at people. I can never love someone if I am continuously mad at them, because there is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.I don't want to waist my time doing that anymore. Though I admit it is going to be hard. But I do can do anything I put my mind to.

I am going to try to live my life according to this quote " To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will recieve untold peace and happiness."

There's Something Missing

There's something missing and I don't know what it is. I hate this feeling because its like I'm running and I don't know where I'm going. If that makes sense. I don't know if it's someone or something. But I need to found out what it is because if I don't, I feel that I'm going to be lost forever.